Chapter Thirteen

Monday 18th December 2000, Ryanair flight FR514, Stansted to Dinard, France. I sat toward the rear of the plane, looking out of the window. The English channel, cold and grey appeared and disappeared through the clouds. I didn’t know what was going to happen. The question of chemistry had arisen many times in our letters and it was a long way to go to find out we hated each other. I had told everyone I was going to visit Gary who now lived in Portsmouth. I didn’t want the inevitable questions and declarations of insanity. I’ve done some crazy things in my time, and this was yet another. I sat drinking my Miller Lite, two pounds for a can smaller than a standard coke. The beer cost more than the flight. Ninety nine pence each way.
My mind went back twenty two years to when I last saw Helene, how I had wished I had had the courage to kiss her then. No matter what happens I was going to kiss this girl. Number one priority. I had decided on that.
The seat belt light came on and the plane descended through the clouds. The north coast of Brittany came into view. Rough white crested waves threw themselves onto the rocks below. Everything was grey. The sea, the rocks, the clouds. It started raining. The plane banked right for the final approach. Then dropped to the runway. The cowls of the engines opened up and moved back to create reverse thrust, and sent up huges plumes of spray off the tarmac. The engines roared. As we taxied to the terminal. I saw for the first time how small l’aeroport de Dinard really was.
My heart started beating faster. My stomach tied itself in knots. I’d arrived in France I was here for three days no matter what. No matter what happened between Helene and I. Passengers started moving and reaching up to the lockers above the seats. The air was a mass of moving bags and coats. Taking my turn I got off the plane down the steps and across the tarmac to customs. Light misty rain came down and it was already gloomy, just three days before the shortest day.
Collecting my bag I went through the gate to the arrivals lounge. I looked around the waiting crowd. People greeted each other kissing and hugging. And then I saw her. Standing by the far wall with her hands behind her back. Not running toward me, not waving, just standing there smiling waiting for me to find her just like she did all those years ago. She hadn’t changed. I walked up to her.
"Hello."
"’ello." she replied softly.
"I’m here."
"Yes you are ‘ere."
"God! This is awkward.....There’s something I must do Helene."
"Yes what is it?" she said looking round, wondering what I’d forgotten.
"It’s this." I reached out and cupped her face with my hands and kissed her lips. She threw her arms round me and held me tight. "You’re shaking Helene."
"I know. I can’t ‘elp." She didn’t say anymore she just stood there holding me, her head buried in my shoulder. I held her closely, stroking her hair, waiting for her to stop trembling. After twenty five years and seven months, I finally had Helene in my arms. She was still petite and slim. Her hair much shorter. She wore a long brown coat over a long brown woollen dress and a bright silk scarf round her neck. Shewore perfume thick sweet and heavy. She looked up at me and I kissed her again. It had to be done.
"Well we can’t stay here forever." I said eventually, "where are we going?"
Helene let go of me. Wiped her eyes and composed herself. "Shall we eat? I know a nice restaurant near here at Dinan."
"That sounds good." I picked up my bag and followed her to her car. A small white Citreon AX. In the back was her small dog. Mendy. It jumped up and down at the window barking excitedly. Helen opened the car and I got in.Mendy jumped on me straight away licking my face and wagging it’s tail.
"She likes you."
We drove to Dinan not saying a word. Everyso often we’d catch each other looking across and turn away. But I had to look at her just as she had to look at me.
The restaurant was at the bottom of a steep hill almost a cliff, overlooking the sea. We chose a table near the huge panoramic windows and sat down staring at the view. We looked at each other, embarrassed with the silence, Helene laughed nervously "So!" she said.
"So!" I felt stupid, after all the months planning this trip, all the letters, I couldn’t think of anything to say. The ice had to be broken. "What shall we order?" I said picking up the menu. Helene chose a sea food dish, I chose steak.
"Ah ah! It’s a choice for a man.""I don’t like sea food much."
"You can not live in Brittany and not eat sea food. I will show you one day ‘ow good it is."
"And I’ll show you....... what shall I show you.........." I tailed off trying to think of some nice english food.
"...that the food in England is not good?" suggested Helene.
"well I don’t eat much English food. It’s all italian and indian and chinese."
"So it’s true English food is bad."
"Well you eat frogs and snails, how bad is that?"
"I never eat that." and she looked at me indignantly before laughing. From that moment we never stopped talking. In the years that followed there was never any awkward silences, we always had something to say to each other, and when we were silent it was never awkward, just a warm contentment with being comfortable with someone. Sometimes we didn’t need words, sometimes just a look told me everything I needed to know.
After the meal we walked back the car. The rain was falling like a mist. Helene opened the door and Mendy jumped out and ran around excitedly. We got in.
"What about your dog?"
"Mendy? She comes back in un moment when she’s ‘ad a run. .....So!" and she sat straight up in her seat, hands folded in her lap. Waiting. I kissed her.
Mendy jumped up at the door which Helene opened and let her in. Only to run around the car with wet paws. "I must tell you. Do not touch my handbag when Mendy is in the car."
"What this one?" I said turning and picking up her brown leather shoulder bag which had a purple silk handkerchief knotted round the strap. Mendy growled. I patted her on the head and sliding my hand down her muzzle grabbed her and gently shook her head.
"No one can do that. except me. My dog protects me. Kiss me." I move to kiss her and Mendy stood up and growled. "She doesn’t even let my ‘usband kiss me."
"That’s lucky."
"Oui she is my lucky dog."
We drove the two and a half hours to the south coast of Brittany, through many small villages and dark country roads. I looked at everything in Helenes car. her cassettes her map books, bit’s of paper, toys in the back and she sat there smiling.
"You are curious? No?"
"Inquisitive." I replied.
"What is inquisitive?"
"Curious. I like to see things. I like to look." Helen always found it amusing that I had to look at everything, I wasn’t being nosey so much as I had a desire to know as much as possible. The more I looked about her car the more I knew about this girl. I found out what music she listened to in her car. My music, tapes I’d sent her. Shopping receipts told me what she liked to eat. We finally arrived at the Hotel in her town and booked into the room she’d reserved for me. We went up the stairs. Helene, being claustrophobic, refused to use the lift. I opened the door and stood back to let her in. She stepped in a couple of feet and stopped looked round. Into the bedroom she looked everywhere inspecting the table, the curtains, TV, patted the bed, ran her fingers along a shelf and finally shrugged and said "it’s OK." as if to no one particular. She turned to me "You know I ‘ave just one hour and I ‘ave to feed my children."
I had nothing to loose. I’d come this far so I held her and said "We’d better go to bed then."
She said nothing, just looked at me carefully then turned to close the curtains. "one minute." she whispered and went to the bathroom, from where she called "Mikel. Turn off the light." I undressed and got into bed and waited. I could see her come out of the bathroom, her slim naked body silvery grey in the darkness. Quickly she jumped into bed and pulled the covers up tight round her neck.
She lay there straight on her back her hands holding the covers round her neck. She was waiting. Not saying anything. I lay on my side looking at her, trying to take it all in. I hadn’t even set eyes on this girl for over twenty years and now after just a few short hours were were in bed together. It shouldn’t be happening but it was. It was all predestined. It was as inevitable as night follows day. The bond we had all those years before had not been broken. She turned her head to look at me and smiled. I wanted to tell her so much, I wanted to share my thoughts with her, but sometimes words are not necessary. I reached over, pulled her close, and kissed her. She wrapped her arms round me and we made love.
Finally she got up a started dressing her initial shyness now gone. She turned the light on and side by side we both dressed.
"I must go ‘ome now. My children will be waiting." she said pulling on her long brown dress and wriggling her hips and pulling the creases out. "I will be back for you at three in the morning."
"Three?"
"Yes of course, I ‘ave to work you know, and you will help me."
"But three in the morning?"
Her eyes sparkled and she grinned broadly "I must have time to kiss you good morning."
"That works for me."
"No you will be ‘elping me, I don’t work for you."
"No your idea of having time to kiss before work. it’s a good idea."
"Of course I am French."
"And what am I?"
"You are my stupide Anglais...... I need the code to the ‘otel."
"Code?"
"They lock the doors and you need a code to get in during the night, we’ll get the code downstairs before I leave." she pulled on her shoes and stood up, put on her scarf and coat smoothed herself down and "ready."
I pulled a comb out of my back pocket. "Wait Helene. I need to do this." I started combing her hair, she let me, she stood with her arms hanging down by her side, "You have the apres sex look." I told her.
"Only with you." she laughed.
I walked her down the stairs to the hotels reception to get the pass code, then to her car. She got in and with a wave was gone. It was eight in the evening and it was dark, cold and quiet out on the street.